Messy Personal Connections

I've been talking with someone romantically for a little while now. About 3 months. It has been a new experience for me to say the least. I've noticed that our connection comes with some interesting perplexing caveats. It seems to boil down to how we each view ourselves. When we receive a message from each other it often feels like it is a roll of the dice on how we are going to take it. Regardless of the message, unfortunately.

My Issues

I have a past that has caused me to have feelings of abandonment. This can be triggered by her not replying to a message and leaving me on 'read' for a number of hours. I end up having thoughts that she must not want to talk to me. She must find me annoying or clingy. Even if it is my first message to her that day. Or in smaller ways it can manifest when I realize she hasn't asked me how my day has been for multiple days. I end up wondering if she cares how my days go. But that isn't really fair. Different people have different communication styles.

Her Issues

I wish I had more to speak on about this, I don't know much about what haunts her other than she doesn't have the best image of herself. She seems to be self conscious in some way. She eats very little and often skips meals. That has led me to think it is body image issues, but I cannot be sure. From what she has described to me she "gets in her head" about "everything" and this causes her to shut down and shut me out and not reply. I'm not sure about this either, but it seems that if I message in a non-typical way (eg. "Hey I know you're busy. Going to try to give you some space today and let you message me when you desire. Hope you have a great day.") This would be out of my norm of messaging good morning every morning. In these situations I've noticed I will likely not get a message at all that day. And I don't know why.

The Effects

This ends up making us both sad. I end up thinking she is not interested in me and is possibly annoyed by me because she does not respond to my messages. She seems to think that if I send a message like the example that the message is a sign that I am upset in some way and I think that causes her to avoid me. Which just compounds the issue as I feel even more alone and abandoned.

The Sad Truth

The sad truth for me is, we do like each other, but we can't convince the other of that. I try to do what I can to make sure she always knows I'm interested. But it seems my attempts to give her space for her own good has caused her to get deeper "in her own head" about things.

Conclusion?

I am not ready to give up. She has expressed that she thinks this is hopeless and will just cause us to sit in a cycle of triggering each other. I personally think that great relationships come from people working with one another. If we can find a way through this, then I imagine the resulting relationship could last the rest of our lives, if we only decided to work on it. But I won't force her to fight a fight she doesn't want to. I will accept it if she wants to let this be. I'll just need her to say it with conviction.